Things You Could Have Done with $38 Instead of Buying a Share of Facebook Stock

AN UNFAIR SHARE DEPT.

As shares of Facebook stock continue to fall, many investors are now wringing their hands, ruing the day they paid a whopping $38 per share for Facebook’s Initial Public Offering. With billions lost and the stock now down over 20%, all that investors can do is weep uncontrollably and think about all the great things they could have spent that money on. 

A Sneak Peek at the Facebook Stock Certificate

POSTING ON YOUR WALL STREET DEPT.

Facebook is going public this week, which means you can now buy stock in the company! Well, YOU can’t — the stocks are extremely sought after and you have to be pretty well-connected to get your hands on them. And let’s face facts — if you’re reading the MAD website, you’re probably not well-connected. (Hell, you’re lucky just to be internet-connected). So since we’ll never see one in person, we’re giving a sneak peek of what the actual stock certificates will look like! 

Click the image to make it bigger!

How JPMorgan Chase Really Lost $2 Billion

BANKS FOR NOTHING DEPT.

JPMorgan Chase, the country's largest bank, just announced they lost $2 billion, primarily in derivatives. Since no one on the face of the earth knows exactly what derivatives are, we suspect the bank is lying. We tasked esteemed New York Times economist Paul Krugman to get to the bottom of this financial debacle. He refused. So we made up this list.

MAD Magazine How JPMorgan Chase Really Lost $2 Billion

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