Barack Obama: The Drone Ranger

BAD TO THE DRONE DEPT.

President Obama is scaling back the use of drones to kill terrorists and foreign enemies. Which is really a shame. Drones are destructive, extremely violent, and one of the laziest ways to destroy something. They’re just so American! Besides, the way Obama was mysteriously meting out a swift brand justice — it reminded us of someone else…

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Al-Qaeda's Ayman al-Zawahri Starring in "Drone Alone"

TURBAN LEGEND DEPT.

President Obama’s relentless drone attacks on top Al-Qaeda members have made a real impact, systematically wiping out the top echelon of the terrorist network. Most recently, a missile took out the group’s “number two” man, Abu Yahya al-Libi. And although Abu now gets to live the good (after)life with 72 virgins, he leaves behind the last known leader (and perhaps last remaining member) of Al-Qaeda, Ayman al-Zawahri. Cave life for Ayman must be pretty lonely — but don't worry, Ayman, even if President Obama goes on vacation, we don't think he’ll be forgetting you. 

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