Today, Pope Benedict XVI announced that he will be stepping down on February 28th. That means that after only 8 years in office, the job is open once more! (And in this economy, any job opening is something to get excited about) Still, we have to wonder if any of the candidates who were passed over the last time will be reconsidered for the chance to wear the giant pointy hat.
The United States Postal Service surprised absolutely nobody today by announcing that Saturday mail delivery will cease, beginning in August. And while it’ll be a bummer not to get that weekly mound of Pottery Barn catalogs and solicitations from the March of Dimes, it’s made even worse by the fact that extreme measures the Post Office has already taken — first reported in MAD #512, December 2011 — have had no effect at all.
No surprise, no surprise! Evidence has emerged that Alex Rodriguez took performance enhancing drugs the last three years. Wow, just imagine how crappy he would have played if he hadn’t been taking them! When he first admitted he was a steroid cheat back in 2009, we were proud to promote his new collectible piss cup. Look for A-Rod on Oprah soon!
Yesterday, Lance Armstrong finally came clean and admitted to being a lying, cheating, drug-using weasel. After years of steadfast denials, what prompted this sudden act of truthfulness? Some say it was the overwhelming evidence compiled against him.
Yesterday, Steven Spielberg’s film Lincoln received 12 Academy Award Nominations including one for Best Picture. The film is a stirring, wonderful tribute to the Great Emancipator, which is more than we can say about this cartoon from MAD #500. It comes courtesy of the twisted mind of Mr. Duck Edwing.
Continuing our celebration of former President Richard M. Nixon’s 100th birthday, we now present this Max Brandel classic.
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