Chris Christie: Breaking Band

EAT, WEIGH, GUV DEPT.

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie recently revealed that he had undergone lap-band surgery in order to help him get down to his “goal weight” of a svelte 535 pounds. We salute his newfound resolve to lead a healthier life — but, given his donut-inhaling history, we’re a little worried about a relapse. But if such a thing does happen, it will at least make for riveting drama.

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Other Indicators That 2012 Was the Hottest Year on Record

SOME DISLIKE IT HOT DEPT.

2012 was the hottest year in the nation’s history! And while that’s not a surprise to anyone who set foot outside in the last 365 days (excluding that loveable shut-in, John Caldwell), there were several other tip-offs that you might have missed.

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Barack Obama and Chris Christie's Newfound Friendship

THE ACT-OF-GOD COUPLE DEPT.

Republican New Jersey Governor Chris Christie recently said this about President Obama: “He’s like a man wandering around a dark room…clutching for the light switch of leadership, and he just can’t find it.” Yesterday, after Obama rushed to New Jersey's aid in the wake of Hurricane Sandy, Christie said: “It’s been very good working with the president…It’s been wonderful.” Faster than it took to flood lower Manhattan, the Gov and Prez were suddenly BFFs and seen hugging each other repeatedly on national television. Who knows where this relationship is going?

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Governor Chris Christie's Role at the Republican National Convention

GOV MAKES THE WORLD GO ‘ROUND DEPT.

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie will be giving the keynote speech at the Republican National Convention today — provided Hurricane Isaac doesn’t destroy the state first. (No worries — Rep. Todd Akin insists that a state can “shut things down” in the event of a “legitimate storm.”) Christie is considered a charismatic and entertaining speaker, so it’s hoped that he’ll energize and unite the party before Romney officially gets the nomination. Two things we know for sure: it’s a huge honor for Christie and Sarah Palin is pissed.

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Another One Bites the Dust — Sarah Palin Won’t Run for President

Reality television star and Fox News tool Sarah Palin announced yesterday that she won’t run for the Presidency in 2012, joining a long list of Republicans including Chris Christie, Donald Trump, Mike Huckabee, Mitch Daniels and Jeb Bush who have passed up a chance to preside over the decline of this once great nation. God Bless America!

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