The Startling Similarities and Differences Between Chris Brown and Jesus Christ

THE PASSION OF THE CHRIS DEPT.

After reportedly assaulting Frank Ocean, Chris Brown posted a picture on Instagram of Jesus on the cross, with the message “Painting the way I feel today.” Awww, poor fella. Heavy is the head that wears the thorny crown! Still, we got to thinking, maybe we’re being too hard on Chris—especially if he IS the second coming! Which got us thinking about…

How Hot is it in New York City?

SCHVITZ HAPPENS DEPT.

Here in New York, local weatherpeople are saying that for the next few days, temperatures will get into the upper nineties, with humidity making it feel more like a brain-melting 105°. Sure, that’s plenty hot — but how hot is it, really?

When Other Notorious Characters Change Their Names Like Ron Artest

NBA-HOLE DEPT.

Last year, NBA thug Ron Artest changed his name to Metta World Peace in a heroic attempt to put his ugly and violent past behind him. It worked really well — at least until this past weekend, when “Metta World Peace” almost murdered James Harden with an elbow to the head. But why dwell on the negative? The important thing is that he changed his name to improve himself. We hope that others will follow his fine example and change their names as well.

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