SKETCHY CHARACTERS DEPT.
No surprise, no surprise! Evidence has emerged that Alex Rodriguez took performance enhancing drugs the last three years. Wow, just imagine how crappy he would have played if he hadn’t been taking them! When he first admitted he was a steroid cheat back in 2009, we were proud to promote his new collectible piss cup. Look for A-Rod on Oprah soon!
Yesterday, Lance Armstrong finally came clean and admitted to being a lying, cheating, drug-using weasel. After years of steadfast denials, what prompted this sudden act of truthfulness? Some say it was the overwhelming evidence compiled against him.
Recently a sex tape surfaced of the Hulkster pinning a very enthusiastic female Hulkamaniac. Sadly, only snippets of the tape have been made available so far — which is where MAD proudly steps in with some additional, unseen scenes! Just be thankful that Roddy Piper didn’t cream him with a folding chair halfway through!
Yesterday, Lance Armstrong decided to stop contesting the charges that he used performance-enhancing drugs during his career. He still denies that he ever doped, but it still means that he’ll be stripped of his seven Tour De France titles, his Olympic bronze medal and any other titles from 1998 onward (thankfully, he can keep his Latin Grammy). He’ll also have to return all prize money, and will be barred for life from performing or even coaching. That’s all gotta hurt…and it’s not even the worst of it!
In the fierce, dog-eat-dog world of competitive badminton, sometimes you’ve just gotta cheat to get ahead. At least that’s what the Olympic teams from China, Indonesia, and South Korea thought when they deliberately lost their matches in order to improve their next-round placement.
John Edwards and Rielle Hunter recently announced that they’re ending their relationship. This marks the end of an era of cheating and lies — unless, of course, Edwards decides to reenter politics. Although many claim that Hunter’s newly-released, tell-all memoir was the reason for the split, we just aren’t buying it (the claim or the book).
Fresh on the heels of last night’s CNN debate, where moderator John King asked Newt Gingrich about allegations that he wanted an open marriage, and Gingrich responded with a blistering charge that the liberal media was attacking him while protecting Obama, this explosive newspaper appeared on newsstands this morning. We always thought the former House Speaker was an egotistical, paranoid blowhard. And after reading this, we’re more convinced than ever.