There are so many mysteries in China right now! First off, Xi Jinping has vanished! Second — who is Xi Jinping?!?! He’s the Vice President of China, and is presumed to be the next president — and he’s nowhere to be found. It’s unclear if he’s sick, or the victim or an attack, or just super into naps. No one “in the know” is saying where he is. Which is why those NOT in the know (that’d be us) are stepping forward with explanations!
Last year, NBA thug Ron Artest changed his name to Metta World Peace in a heroic attempt to put his ugly and violent past behind him. It worked really well — at least until this past weekend, when “Metta World Peace” almost murdered James Harden with an elbow to the head. But why dwell on the negative? The important thing is that he changed his name to improve himself. We hope that others will follow his fine example and change their names as well.