Roger Clemens Hall of Fame Plaque Revealed

ASTERISK AND REWARD DEPT.

Legendary baseball fraud Roger Clemens beat the steroid-perjury rap yesterday when a jury declared him innocent of lying to Congress — thereby boosting his chances of getting into to the Hall of Fame from “zero” to “hopelessly remote.” On the off chance that he does make it, here’s the plaque that awaits him in Cooperstown.

"New Rules" for the Mets now that Bill Maher is a Part Owner

ANOTHER FINE METS DEPT.

This past weekend, comedian Bill Maher revealed that he bought a 4% interest in the New York Mets. Knowing the outspoken Maher, we expect it's only a matter of time before he begins butting into team affairs and throwing his weight around. Just like on his HBO show, Real Time, Maher will soon begin imposing some ridiculous "New Rules."

Ozzie Guillen's Despot Dream Team

HALL OF SHAME DEPT.

Miami Marlins coach Ozzie Guillen was suspended for five games after stating that he “loved” and “respected” longtime Cuban dictator Fidel Castro. Last time we checked, the constitution protected free speech — even free stupid speech.

How the Mets are Going to Raise $162 Million to Settle the Bernie Madoff Suit

SHEA IT AIN'T SO DEPT.

The Mets have struck a deal to pay $162 million to settle claims that they knew disgraced financier Bernie Madoff was running a Ponzi scheme. How the beleaguered team owner, Fred Wilpon, will come up with the money is now the big question. Here’s MAD with the big answers…

Derek Jeter Slams 3,000th Hit as New York Yankee

When Derek Jeter triumphantly battled the Rays pitching this weekend and smacked a crushing home run for his 3,000th career hit, he was greeted as a conquering hero by the entire Yankees team as he crossed home plate. While the scene was like something out of a Hollywood script, we couldn’t help wondering what was really going through the Yankees Captain’s mind as he rounded the bases.

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