No surprise, no surprise! Evidence has emerged that Alex Rodriguez took performance enhancing drugs the last three years. Wow, just imagine how crappy he would have played if he hadn’t been taking them! When he first admitted he was a steroid cheat back in 2009, we were proud to promote his new collectible piss cup. Look for A-Rod on Oprah soon!
Yesterday, Baseball Hall of Fame voters shut out two of the Steroid Era’s most prominent cheaters: Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens. In the spirit of kicking an acne-scarred, big-headed homunculus when he’s down, we commemorate their very public shaming with two classic MAD pieces.
Legendary baseball fraud Roger Clemens beat the steroid-perjury rap yesterday when a jury declared him innocent of lying to Congress — thereby boosting his chances of getting into to the Hall of Fame from “zero” to “hopelessly remote.” On the off chance that he does make it, here’s the plaque that awaits him in Cooperstown.
This past weekend, comedian Bill Maher revealed that he bought a 4% interest in the New York Mets. Knowing the outspoken Maher, we expect it's only a matter of time before he begins butting into team affairs and throwing his weight around. Just like on his HBO show, Real Time, Maher will soon begin imposing some ridiculous "New Rules."
A jersey worn by Babe Ruth recently sold at auction for a whopping $4.4 million (nearly as much as the Sultan of Swat spent in his storied career on hot dogs). Lost in all the excitement were the results of another baseball auction involving Albert Pujols — a modern-day superstar who, after signing a mind-melting quarter-billion-dollar contract with the Los Angeles Angels of California of America, is having a historically terrible season.
Miami Marlins coach Ozzie Guillen was suspended for five games after stating that he “loved” and “respected” longtime Cuban dictator Fidel Castro. Last time we checked, the constitution protected free speech — even free stupid speech. (Thank god, or we would have been out of business years ago!) But the ever vigilant Political Correctness Police quickly stoked the issue and now there are calls everywhere for Ozzie’s head. As champions of free speech, we deplore this over-reaction. But as comedy whores, we jump on the Dump Ozzie Bandwagon and proudly present …
The Mets have struck a deal to pay $162 million to settle claims that they knew disgraced financier Bernie Madoff was running a Ponzi scheme. How the beleaguered team owner, Fred Wilpon, will come up with the money is now the big question. Here’s MAD with the big answers…