BAD TO THE DRONE DEPT.
President Obama is scaling back the use of drones to kill terrorists and foreign enemies. Which is really a shame. Drones are destructive, extremely violent, and one of the laziest ways to destroy something. They’re just so American! Besides, the way Obama was mysteriously meting out a swift brand justice — it reminded us of someone else…
MOUTH WATERING-GATE DEPT.
COMIN’ AROUND THE BENGHAZI DEPT.
The attack on Libya’s American embassy on Sept. 11 was a tragedy. And as if that weren’t terrible enough, now it’s being said that then-Secretary of State Hillary Clinton mismanaged the situation, and if it had been handled differently, it might have been avoided entirely. As the accusations continue and new evidence comes to light, Hil’s original story about how things went down is holding less and less water. We’ll see how things shake out, but one thing is for sure — it’s tough to find a silver lining in all this.
CLASSIC IDIOTICAL DEPT.
Can you believe that today marks the two-year anniversary of Osama Bin Laden being killed? To recognize the occasion, we thought we’d share our blog post from the original event! Wherever he is, we’re sure he’s looking up on us, smiling.
CLEAR AND PRESIDENT DANGER DEPT.
EVERY MUSHROOM CLOUD HAS A SILVER LINING DEPT.
By now, Kim Jong-Un has reached Lohan levels of constant, ongoing nuttiness. But even so, he’s really been pushing the envelope lately — conducting nuclear tests, making endless threats about attacking the U.S., and even putting nuclear missiles into position. It’s unclear how many missiles he has, how far they could go, or what he intends to do with them — but with Kimmy puffing his chest out, Obama has had to get tough in response. With so much posturing, we hope it’s just a lot of show, with no one getting seriously hurt...just like a certain “sports entertainment” that comes to mind.
GLOOM AND ROOM DEPT.
The cost for Joe Biden to stay for just ONE NIGHT in a Paris hotel is $585,000! That’s according to a recent contract signed with the Hotel Intercontinental Paris Le Grand — to be fair, though, that figure also includes rooms for the military, communications, secret service staff and other support professionals that are required to travel with the Vice President. But still — something seems fishy! Luckily, we were able to closely examine the bill — and get Joey’s take on the charges!
Yesterday, Kate Upton was announced as the cover girl of Sport Illustrated’s Swimsuit Issue! And tonight, President Obama delivers the State of the Union Address! Guess which of these things more Americans care about? C’mon Barry, it’s time to give the people what they want!
To quiet those who have questioned the president’s gun use, the White House released a photo over the weekend that showed Obama skeet shooting. They say that a picture is worth a thousand words — but in this case, the picture is only telling half the story (so, it’s really only, like, 500 words…600 words max). What was really in Obama's sights? We can only speculate.
Yesterday was the Inaugural celebration and public swearing-in for President Obama’s second term! And while it’s historic and all that, not everyone could be there (if we’re going to stand out in the cold, we expect to get an Apple product or see the back of Matt Lauer’s head in person — and, ideally, both!). However, being the solid Americans that we are, we thought we’d pass along some of the highlights:
