SEXUAL CONGRESS DEPT.
Hey, kids, let’s do this by the numbers: 1) Sheldon Stephens, a 23-year-old man declares that when he was 16, he had sex with Kevin Clash, the voice and Muppeteer of Sesame Street's Elmo. 2) Stephens later recants his story and says they had sex when he was over 18. 3) We find out he recanted his story only after he received $125,000 from Clash. 4) Stephens then recanted his recant and says his original claim is true! Phew, that’s a lot of numbers!
Last week disgraced philandering ex-governor Arnold Schwarzenegger showed up on 60 Minutes, shameless shilling his book which rehashes his affair with his housekeeper and the illegitimate child it produced. Well, Arnold isn’t the only one who can shill. We gleefully present this 2011 MAD classic from our 20 Dumbest People, Events and Things issue.
Yesterday, Twilight star and professional pouter Kristen Stewart admitted to a fling with her Snow White and the Huntsman director, Rupert Sanders. Her on- and off-screen beau, Robert Pattinson, was crushed by this news, as was Stewart’s legion of pre-teen fans who finally got a glimpse at a harsh reality of love that vampire books can never fully illustrate.