Reasons July was the Hottest Month Ever

ALL YOU CAN HEAT DEPT.

The numbers are in, and — wait for it — July was the hottest month ever recorded in the United States! (We weren’t asking you to “wait for it” for dramatic reasons; we just needed to wipe our sweat-drenched foreheads and chug a two-liter bottle of Gatorade “Turquoise Permafrost”!) We did conduct an exhaustive study, however, and discovered the…

What is Mitt Romney Hiding in His Tax Returns?

MANY CRAPPY RETURNS DEPT.

There are lots of things politicians try to hide when running for office: ideological flip- flopping, past drug use, a proclivity for Miley Cyrus tunes. But that’s just the tip of the iceberg! Presidential candidate Willard “Mitt” Romney also recently tried to shield his precious tax returns, only allowing those from 2010 and 2011 to be seen by prying eyes. What’s there to hide, Mitt? Off-shore accounts? Dubious campaign contributions? A couple of drunken Walmart purchases? Just spill it already!

Which U.S. Job Areas are Growing (and Which are Shrinking)

UNEMPLOYS THE THING DEPT.

Today the U.S. Government released the latest job statistics, citing an 80,000 gain in jobs for the month of June. While at first glance these numbers make it appear as if the entire U.S. economy is at a virtual standstill, in fact there are many sectors within the job market where opportunities abound. Here is a breakdown of some of the job market's biggest growth areas, and a few of its most glaring losers.

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