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Marco Rubio’s “Watergate” Moment

WATER FOR GOP ELEPHANTS DEPT.

Last night, while delivering the GOP rebuttal to President Obama’s State of the Union Address, an obviously-parched Senator Marco Rubio reached for a bottle of water. Unfortunately, he wasn’t exactly as graceful as a ballerina. Actually, it was more akin to a 1,000-pound man lunging for the last shrimp at an all-you-can eat buffet. But was this brief human moment worth all the ridiculous hoopla that the media is giving it? Nah, it’s already water under the bridge.

The State of the Upton Address

UNDRESS THE NATION DEPT

Yesterday, Kate Upton was announced as the cover girl of Sport Illustrated’s Swimsuit Issue! And tonight, President Obama delivers the State of the Union Address! Guess which of these things more Americans care about? C’mon Barry, it’s time to give the people what they want!

MAD’s New Cover Artist: George W. Bush

PAINT MISBEHAVIN’ DEPT.

When Bush family e-mails were hacked last week, among the leaked information were photos of paintings made by none other than former President George W. Bush. We were shocked to learn that W. has an artistic side, but not so shocked by the paintings’ amateurish mediocrity — the very quality we look for in all MAD illustrators!

Americans Who Just Missed Becoming Pope

CLASSIC MAD DEPT.

Today, Pope Benedict XVI announced that he will be stepping down on February 28th. That means that after only 8 years in office, the job is open once more! (And in this economy, any job opening is something to get excited about) Still, we have to wonder if any of the candidates who were passed over the last time will be reconsidered for the chance to wear the giant pointy hat.

The Grammys’ List of Banned Body Parts — What’s Real and What’s Not?

NO NUDES IS GOOD NUDES DEPT.

Yesterday, a memo from CBS Standards and Practices was leaked to the public. In it, the network advised performers on this Sunday’s Grammys that certain wardrobe choices would be...unacceptable. They then went into detail, using the most awkward and prudish terms possible, what body parts performers should not show.

Glaring Errors and Omissions in the Film "Lincoln"

A HOUSE DERIDED CANNOT STAND DEPT.

Representative Joe Courtney of Connecticut sent a letter to Steven Spielberg pointing out an error in his film Lincoln. It seems, at the time, all four of Connecticut’s representatives voted against slavery. In the film, however, Spielberg depicts two representatives as voting FOR slavery. It turns out this is just the opening shot (sorry) in a host of mistakes and omissions in the film that are only now coming to light.

Other Ways the U.S. Postal Service is Cutting Back

CLASSIC MAD DEPT.

The United States Postal Service surprised absolutely nobody today by announcing that Saturday mail delivery will cease, beginning in August. And while it’ll be a bummer not to get that weekly mound of Pottery Barn catalogs and solicitations from the March of Dimes, it’s made even worse by the fact that extreme measures the Post Office has already taken — first reported in MAD #512, December 2011 — have had no effect at all.

Unintended Consequences of Getting Rid of the Penny

MAKES NO CENTS DEPT.

Canada is eliminating the penny from its currency! We know what you’re thinking — “Who cares about anything Canada does?” And normally we’d agree — except that there’s been talk about retiring the penny in America, too! It seems like no one has researched the facts and come to an informed decision about the topic! And we’re not saying we did, either, but that didn’t stop us from crafting this list of…

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