SYMBOL MINDED DEPT.
GLOOM AND ROOM DEPT.
The cost for Joe Biden to stay for just ONE NIGHT in a Paris hotel is $585,000! That’s according to a recent contract signed with the Hotel Intercontinental Paris Le Grand — to be fair, though, that figure also includes rooms for the military, communications, secret service staff and other support professionals that are required to travel with the Vice President. But still — something seems fishy! Luckily, we were able to closely examine the bill — and get Joey’s take on the charges!
WINNER IS COMING DEPT.
The Miami Heat have won 26 games in a row! (Not to be confused with the Charlotte Bobcats — who had 26 people in the stands at their last game.) Right now, the Heat are on pace to beat the Lakers’ 33-game winning streak to have the longest winning streak in NBA history! And even though we’d love to root for a scrappy underdog like LeBron, we have a terrible feeling that it’s not going to happen.
A KATE WITH DESTINY DEPT.
They say that high school is the best years of your life. And while that’s normally a bunch of nonsense, it’s probably the case for Jake Davidson. The gutsy senior posted a video on YouTube asking Kate Upton to be his prom date…and it looks like she may actually go! Still, even though it seems like a dream come true, before Jakey puts down a deposit on the limo, he may want to first consider these…
MAKING THE HOST OF A BAD SITUATION DEPT.
It’s been heavily hinted at that in 2014, Jay Leno will step down from hosting The Tonight Show and hand it over to Jimmy Fallon. Certainly, nothing could POSSIBLY go wrong with a plan that involves a Late Night host taking over The Tonight Show from Jay Leno! Ha ha ha ha — no precedent for disaster there! But we digress — Leno being a despicable crap-monster is beside the point. What we’re really wondering is…
CLASSIC MAD DEPT.
Incredibly, this Fold-In, created by Al Jaffee in 1997, accurately predicts the ultimate winner in this year’s NCAA Tournament!
From MAD #355, March, 1997
Writer and Artist: Al Jaffee
MAGNUM FARCE DEPT.
Yesterday, spineless Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid refused to put up for a vote a bill that would ban assault weapons.
He claimed the bill didn’t have the necessary support to pass. But by shamelessly not putting it up for a vote, even if it were doomed to defeat, he gave himself and all his gutless, NRA-owned Democratic colleagues political coverage. He went ahead and made Wayne LaPierre’s day.
CLASSIC MAD DEPT.
With news that the Star Wars franchise will soon be getting a reboot, here’s to hoping that the "Gulf Wars" series will never be revisited.
CONFESSIONS OF A COURTROOM DRAMA QUEEN DEPT.
When Lindsay Lohan yesterday accepted a plea deal for driving into a dump truck, part of the agreement was that she’d do 90 days of hard rehab. We’re not sure that this is going to help all that much, but at the very least, her latest legal episode will provide fodder for her big comeback movie.
ANY WHICH WAY BUT LUCIFER DEPT.
They always say that to keep things pleasant, you should avoid discussing politics and religion. Apparently no one told that to The History Channel’s show The Bible – which managed to combine both! Many eagle-eyed (by which we mean “non-blind”) viewers felt that a certain Prince of Darkness on the show looked an awful lot like a certain commander in chief! Although the show’s producers say the similarity was not deliberate, you can judge for yourself after you study these…