Yesterday, a rocket launched by North Korea went kablooey (which is NOT a Korean word meaning “successfully into space”!) The failure left the country’s leaders with egg on their faces — which, tragically, for millions of starving North Koreans, is as close to a meal as they’ll get! It’s not surprising that the rocket blew apart, considering where it came from...

On Wednesday, Charles Manson was denied parole for the 12^th, and probably final, time. Ever since being locked up 40 years ago for engineering a series of grisly murders, ol’ Chuckles just can’t catch a break! We’re sure that the parole board must have had their reasons for keeping the wild-eyed kook from sweet, sweet freedom — in fact, here they are!

Miami Marlins coach Ozzie Guillen was suspended for five games after stating that he “loved” and “respected” longtime Cuban dictator Fidel Castro. Last time we checked, the constitution protected free speech — even free stupid speech. (Thank god, or we would have been out of business years ago!) But the ever vigilant Political Correctness Police quickly stoked the issue and now there are calls everywhere for Ozzie’s head. As champions of free speech, we deplore this over-reaction. But as comedy whores, we jump on the Dump Ozzie Bandwagon and proudly present …