Recently, Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth made their engagement public — probably after Hemsworth decided he’d be a doofus if he didn’t get in on those sweet, sweet Disney dollars. Hemsworth bought a 3.5 karat diamond to replace that abstinence “purity ring” she conveniently stopped wearing. The couple has found that planning a wedding is difficult no matter how rich and famous you are (for now). Lucky for us, we’ve obtained a list of the expenses that even the Beverly Hillbillies would hoot and holler over.
President Obama’s relentless drone attacks on top Al-Qaeda members have made a real impact, systematically wiping out the top echelon of the terrorist network. Most recently, a missile took out the group’s “number two” man, Abu Yahya al-Libi. And although Abu now gets to live the good (after)life with 72 virgins, he leaves behind the last known leader (and perhaps last remaining member) of Al-Qaeda, Ayman al-Zawahri. Cave life for Ayman must be pretty lonely — but don't worry, Ayman, even if President Obama goes on vacation, we don't think he’ll be forgetting you.
Queen Elizabeth's Diamond Jubilee is finally upon us! After 60 years of being pampered and waited on hand and foot while doing virtually nothing, she certainly deserves an over-the-top party (in America, she’d just get a reality show on E!). But what happens behind closed doors at Buckingham Palace when the Queen rips off her crown and celebrates the long reign HER way? Is she just like one of us? Not a chance. Tremble, you peasants, and behold...
This past weekend, comedian Bill Maher revealed that he bought a 4% interest in the New York Mets. Knowing the outspoken Maher, we expect it's only a matter of time before he begins butting into team affairs and throwing his weight around. Just like on his HBO show, Real Time, Maher will soon begin imposing some ridiculous "New Rules."
Recently, the Center for Disease Control reassured the public that despite various cannibal crimes that have occurred lately, there is NOT a virus in existence could result in a zombie apocalypse (seriously). While we’d like to be comforted by this official stance, we also know better than to trust anything the government says! And it actually doesn’t take much investigating to see that the CDC is full of BS. Sadly, we’ll soon have our innards sloppily devoured by a shambling mob of the undead — only to then join the marauding horde of the dead-eyed, blood-thirsty horde! Maybe we should’ve done more to prepare than just write this list, but oh well, it’s too late now…
The mysterious giant head statues lining the coast of Easter Island recently underwent excavation, and it was revealed that the monoliths have complete bodies that are decorated with cryptic symbols. The organization behind the digging, the Easter Island Statue Project, has spent many years and countless dollars to make this discovery, but they could have saved themselves a lot of time and money by simply reading MAD! We predicted this finding not once but TWICE in years past, and we even gave some answers regarding the ancient structures' true purpose.
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