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Ozzie Guillen's Despot Dream Team

HALL OF SHAME DEPT.

Miami Marlins coach Ozzie Guillen was suspended for five games after stating that he “loved” and “respected” longtime Cuban dictator Fidel Castro. Last time we checked, the constitution protected free speech — even free stupid speech.

Surprising Discoveries Made at the White House Easter Egg Roll

THE YOLK'S ON THEM DEPT.

Today the White House hosted its annual Easter Egg Roll on the South Lawn. We weren’t invited (thanks to an incident last year involving lawn darts and David Axelrod — who’s recovering nicely, we’re happy to report) but many children were. And plenty of unlucky kids rolled their eggs off course into the treacherous fringes of the lawn — where they made some pretty startling discoveries.

Other Misconceptions Reinforced in the Mary J. Blige Burger King Commercial

WRAP MUSIC DEPT.

A controversy has erupted over the new Burger King ad featuring Mary J. Blige. Critics say it plays to the stereotype that African Americans like chicken. After careful review of the ad, we’ve discovered that the chicken stereotype is the least of the commercial’s problems.

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