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Ways to Get the Most Out of "Take Your Child to Work Day"

SPARE THE JOB, SPOIL THE CHILD DEPT.

Today is one of America’s most beloved pseudo-holidays, right up there with Root Vegetable Awareness Week: “Take Your Child to Work Day.” In bringing your son or daughter to work today, you’re teaching them the importance of commitment, dedication, and putzing around on eBay. And as long as you’ve got the little monster in the office with you, you might as well make the best of it — and we’re here to help.

The Obama Dive Bar Girl — What Was She Saying?

A BLANK DEPOSIT DEPT.

By now you’ve seen this picture of “dive bar girl” Madalyn Starkey posing with the President. You know the face. You know the point. But you don’t know what she said! Or do you?!? (You’re so secretive, you little minx, you!) We wrote a few ourselves — click through and share your own in the comments section!  

Celebrity Fashion — MAD Asks, “Who Wore it Better?”

THE DOPPELGANGER’S ALL HERE DEPT.

Whenever two celebrities wear the same outfit, there’s always a stupid article about who looked better in it. So we decided we want in on that action! After all, stupid articles are pretty much our bread and butter! Join the democratic process — cast your votes in the comment section!

The Real Cause of the Recent Airplane-Bird Collisions

CLASSIC MAD DEPT.

Over the last two weeks, collisions with birds have forced two planes to make emergency returns to New York City area airports. It's a problem that stretches back to 2009, when Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger famously ditched the Airbus he was piloting into the Hudson River after a birdstrike disabled the plane's engines.

When Other Notorious Characters Change Their Names Like Ron Artest

NBA-HOLE DEPT.

Last year, NBA thug Ron Artest changed his name to Metta World Peace in a heroic attempt to put his ugly and violent past behind him. It worked really well — at least until this past weekend, when “Metta World Peace” almost murdered James Harden with an elbow to the head. But why dwell on the negative? The important thing is that he changed his name to improve himself. We hope that others will follow his fine example and change their names as well.

The Strange Similarities Between Roger Clemens and John Edwards

CHEATS DON'T FAIL ME NOW! DEPT.

Two high profile trials are currently underway. One involves former Yankee pitcher Roger Clemens and his alleged lies to Congress about using steroids. The other involves former Senator and presidential candidate John Edwards and his use of campaign funds to hide an affair and love child. Two men. Two very different professions. And yet one can’t help but notice…

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