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The Real Cause of the Recent Airplane-Bird Collisions

CLASSIC MAD DEPT.

Over the last two weeks, collisions with birds have forced two planes to make emergency returns to New York City area airports. It's a problem that stretches back to 2009, when Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger famously ditched the Airbus he was piloting into the Hudson River after a birdstrike disabled the plane's engines.

When Other Notorious Characters Change Their Names Like Ron Artest

NBA-HOLE DEPT.

Last year, NBA thug Ron Artest changed his name to Metta World Peace in a heroic attempt to put his ugly and violent past behind him. It worked really well — at least until this past weekend, when “Metta World Peace” almost murdered James Harden with an elbow to the head. But why dwell on the negative? The important thing is that he changed his name to improve himself. We hope that others will follow his fine example and change their names as well.

The Strange Similarities Between Roger Clemens and John Edwards

CHEATS DON'T FAIL ME NOW! DEPT.

Two high profile trials are currently underway. One involves former Yankee pitcher Roger Clemens and his alleged lies to Congress about using steroids. The other involves former Senator and presidential candidate John Edwards and his use of campaign funds to hide an affair and love child. Two men. Two very different professions. And yet one can’t help but notice…

New Shows on the DogTV Channel

IT'S THE LEASH YOU CAN DO DEPT.

DogTV, a new on-demand channel made specifically for dogs, recently debuted in San Diego — and enough suckers there are paying five bucks a month for it that DogTV will soon be offered nationwide.  The channel features “footage and soundtracks designed for stimulation [and] relaxation” — meaning lots of traffic, nature scenes, and, of course, canine-centric twists on human favorites.

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