Jack-O-Lanterns have long been a Halloween tradition. So has having them smashed by a bunch of snot-nosed little punks! This year, create an even bigger mess and scare away all those pesky brats looking for free handouts with our Alfred-E-Lantern stencil!
2) To make the stencil easier to cut and use, you may want to glue it to a thin piece of cardboard, a thick card stock, or a first edition copy of We Were the Mulvaneys by Joyce Carol Oates. Be creative — we won't tell!
3) Using an X-ACTO knife, razor or box cutter (which means you won't be able to carve your pumpkin at an airport), cut out the black portions of Alfred’s face. IMPORTANT: IF YOU'RE YOUNG, OR SIMPLY CAN'T BE TRUSTED WITH POINTY OBJECTS, YOU SHOULD GET THE HELP OF AN ADULT. Plus, if you're Jack-O-Lantern ends up sucking, you now have someone else to blame.
4) Place the newly-cut stencil on the front of the pumpkin and tape it in place. If you have extra tape, why not put it on your face and comically distort your features? Go ahead, we'll wait!
5) Welcome back! Using a permanent marker or paint sponge, fill in or dab over the stencil until the cut-out areas are covered. You'll now have an image of Alfred on your pumpkin. If the image resembles Regis Philbin, you've messed up big time.
6) Now, you can either carve Alfred’s face out of the pumpkin or simply leave the stenciled face as is. Both are equally horrifying!
If you've done everything right, your pumpkin will look like one of the two up top, only a whole heckuva lot less Photoshoppy!