A young NPH is not amused by our Doogie Howser, M.D. parody.
Reality television star and Fox News tool Sarah Palin announced yesterday that she won’t run for the Presidency in 2012, joining a long list of Republicans including Chris Christie, Donald Trump, Mike Huckabee, Mitch Daniels and Jeb Bush who have passed up a chance to preside over the decline of this once great nation. God Bless America!
Every single Halloween it’s the same problem. You end up completely paralyzed when it comes time to pick out a costume. There are just too many options to choose from. And let’s face it, you can’t go as a slutty French maid again — everyone was VERY clear about that! Thankfully, elope.com has come to the rescue with these amazing black and white Spy vs. Spy costumes, available now!
In our ongoing effort to clean out the MAD stockroom, look what we found — the original Antonio Prohias sketch for the cover of MAD #109, March 1967! It's never been seen anywhere by anyone other than the old MAD staff at the time: Al Feldstein, Nick Meglin, Jerry DeFuccio, John Putnam and Lenny "The Beard" Brenner.
The excavation continues. Check back again for more lost MAD memorabilia!
Here's the final cover, painted by Norman Mingo:
At my retirement party my co-workers gave me a new iPhone.
What does the “I” in “iPhone” stand for anyway? Why does everything need a pronoun in front of it? There’s the iPhone. There’s YouTube. There’s Wii Bowling. And of course there’s she-males. But that’s just at one bar I sometimes go to with Mike Wallace.
This new iPhone comes with a 2-year contract. That’s a long term commitment for a man my age. The library won’t even lend me books anymore. My health’s not that good. Last week the doctors found blood in my urine. The week before that, they found urine in my blood. Even as I’m typing this, I’m tasting copper. They used to make pennies out of copper. Now it’s zinc. Zinc’s a funny word... It... Oh, f**k it.
You can type on an iPhone. I like to type on a typewriter. Too bad Underwood didn’t ever get into the cell phone game. That’s a brand you can trust. It’s the Studebaker of typewriters!
I understand that these phones have to be charged. I never have to charge the phone in my kitchen. I don’t think you should have to charge an appliance. If you had to charge your blender, you’d never use it!
I went to get my fedora blocked and the owner, Gary, was on something called a Bluetooth. That sounds like something you get from eating too many blueberries. Not to be confused with a Blackberry, which is another kind of phone. Maybe they should get together. Black and blue. They could create a phone called The Bruise. Whew! I almost collapsed after coming up with that one!
Morley Safer said this phone comes with 500 minutes. I don’t know if 500 minutes is enough – I could talk for that long just about cottage cheese. Not that you’d ever want to talk to Morely Safer for 500 minutes. He’s a very boring man.
Now, where was I about cottage cheese...
Please give a warm Idiotical welcome to the first "Me, Myself and My Puppet" strip. Pay attention, you might learn a thing or two about Ventriloquist-Americans. This sudsy adventure comes courtesy of John Kovaleski!